i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
