you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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