How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
