Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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