you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
