Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
