So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
