Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
