im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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