the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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