trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
