Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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