I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize