You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
