So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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