It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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