There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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