She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
