This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
