I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is Oprah even human
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
