There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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