I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
