He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
