it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
