If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
