this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
