what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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