My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
