He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
