She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Drunk is a universal language darling
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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