he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
