If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
