farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
