thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
