Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
