singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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