do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
not ubering you a puppy
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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