sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
