do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
