why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
