Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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