hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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