hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
