Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
