YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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