i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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