remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
