This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
