I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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