508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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