She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
