I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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