there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
