I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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