BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
