Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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