there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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