I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
