She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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