The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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