I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
