So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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