So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
