I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
