i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im just a social blackout drinker.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
