Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
