I want you more than these girls want KFC
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
