so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
