Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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