i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
