one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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