she takes plan B like it's going out of style
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
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