so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
