Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
