I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
