you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize