in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
