I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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