there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
two words...techno handjob
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
