Soap is not a condiment
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
