my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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