she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
