drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just sucked dick on a ferry
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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