yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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