Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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