I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
