I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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