He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
