they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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