saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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