so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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