her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
