I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
