i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
