Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
