im six kinds of drunk right now
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
