i think i scared a bird with my dick
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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