I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
