so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
