Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
