Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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