i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
