These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
