I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
