i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When are your genitals available?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
